i have to be honest ya'll...i'm in a dark place...it's kinda where i've been in and out of for the last 30 years, and i've found that my road has been, is, and always will be tough...and a lot of times dark...i pray for a lot of patience, a lot of grace, a light at the end of the tunnel, a sign that shows me just what i need to see, a feeling of fulfillment and contentment, a touch from someone or something that lets me know i'm loved...and i get them, all of them, at some point in time, in some fashion, down the line...down this road...and i am grateful, but also still in need
i was thinking or feeling the other day that the act of touching is so underrated in my world...and i lay victim to this perception/misconception...i want touch...moreso, i NEED touch...i think that i have been duped into perverting touch, making it a lustful act, a selfish act, a destructive act, an emptying act...but i have also touched and been touched in ways that have unexplainably affected me and will continue to affect me through infinity
some things are inexplicable...so much so that when we fail to explain, understand or fathom such inexplicables, we give up, or we write them off...i have been guilty of such things...but there is one thing that i have yet been able to explain, but is so magnetic that i MUST have it, that i keep falling and picking myself up for seemingly more failure...that is LOVE...and moreso than LOVE is TOUCH...i feel devoid of it, a victim of the perversion of it - both of my own doing and of the world's fears - and it saddens me
but i pick myself up, to go another go-round...
i am a single man, in love with this life...in love with lives within this life, some moreso than others, but nevertheless, in love...life is worth living for...life is worth dying for...and no one will ever be able to tell me different...that is what i believe...life is a word, though, that means much more than just a body, or an existence...it means desire, it means discipline, it means struggle, it means want, it means need...it is true and it demands perfection...it knows that its demands will not be met, but it demands those demands anyway...it is worth more than our drama...worth more than our wallows...worth more.....YOU ARE A LIFE...worth more
it needs us...life needs us, and our wonder...it needs OUR WONDER...our amazement, our adoration, our public declaration, our closet confession, our sense of style, our lack of answers, our wants for more, our needs for less, our search for balance...it is the fabric of our lives...and we need to touch it...we need to learn how to touch it, to share our experience, to freely give our wisdom, and to know that what we share and freely give are only the beginning
i'm in the midst of recording my first full-length lp entitled "Just Another Wonderful Life"...i could be here for hours describing its intricacies, its meanings, its nuances, but really i want it to be wonderful, just as i think life is...just as i think love is,..just as i think touch is
this is the beginning
